Odd and Occasionally Rndom Thoughts.

I am at the end of another semester - mostly. I have one paper left to write, and I feel no compulsion to do it. I know that it needs to get done, and it will - just not right this moment. And that's okay.

I had an interesting conversation with a dear friend yesterday wherein we discussed the pre-Christmas period of stress, grief, and loneliness. We've both been feeling it to one degree or another, and I've found it a little hard to get "excited" about Christmas this year.

I have a couple of friends coming up to Saskatoon on Christmas Eve, and just after they leave - another will arrive for a little longer. I am looking forward to these visits. And, as you can all imagine, planning a food feast! This is the person I have missed this season.

A lot of my friends have or are having babies. I love babies. I love coos and giggles, the nonsensical 'ba-ba-ba-ba' noises they make, the cuddles that calm them down, and the peaceful sleeping faces. And it gets me thinking about having children (even with all the poop, spit up, vomit, crying, wailing, screaming, etc). Obviously not in the immediate plans, but it gets me thinking about how to be a professional and raise healthy children.

I really like men's facial hair. And I find grey hair particularly sexy. Is there something wrong with that? I often wonder, in a Freudian way, if it's somehow related to my father always having been grey during my lifetime.

What do I do with all the stuff that in Saskatoon while I go to do CPE? Where the Eff am I going to store a queen size bed?! How am I going to move EVERYTHING to the internship site? The obvious answer is a moving truck, but I can't really afford a company (especially if it's a multiple province move) and if I drive one myself - how do I drive the Jeep too?!

Why can't Student Loans get their proverbial 'poop in a scoop'?! It's looking more and more like I'm going to have to start the Interest Relief application all over again in January - which means that November and December's interest amounts get added to the debt. What I wouldn't give for a healthy and creative way to deal with this situation because I'm starting to feel like I'm just better off accepting their initial decision to defer all payments until November 2011 (and let the damned monthly interest charges accrue)!

Which brings to mind another thought: Why is it that I can't seem to find a life that balances everything to make me a healthy person? I'm relatively happy, I'm losing weight without too much effort (and let me tell you, that's an incredible feeling), I'm doing well at school, I'm managing to cover my daily expenses and monthly payments on everything that *I* had foreseen I would have to pay. Just two or three minor things that aren't at the same level, and consequently make everything else less "good". Oh, the lessons I'm learning.

Bought a book that I LOVE! It's called: 'It's a Book' - and I think there are many people who would love this simple little book. TOO Funny.

On the subject of weight: why is the top half of me shrinking faster than the lower? And why, this time, are the breasts getting smaller rather than larger? (Note: I know it's not normal for the chest to get larger, but that's what's always happened when I've lost weight - and it's disconcerting that it's not happening this time.)

I resent that all the Christmas stuff I have is in storage right now. And the picture albums. And my art. I try not to, but the mind is counting down the time until I can have all of "me" in one place at the same time.

According to the CBC, people spend 78% more on themselves at Christmas time than they do on other people. How twisted is that?!

I want to be a bird. I have always wanted to be a bird. I don't know why. I often dream of running and flapping my arms to take flight. And it's a constant effort to stay up in the air. I always slowly and gently fall towards the ground, but a flap of the arms takes me up a little again. It's like swimming in the air. I really want to know what that's about.

I feel much better getting that all out of the mind. Clutter removed - and now to clean the apartment. (I swear it's not paper-avoidance)

Wishing you all a wonderful and blessed Christmas time! See you in the New Year!