75% is a strange place to be.

I'm approaching the 8-month mark on Internship, and it's prompted a little reflection.

First: Time is a crazy whirling thing that gets faster and faster the older you get.  I have been wondering what time feels like for someone who is over 70.  What will it be like when I am 70 or 80?

Second:  This is the first time in 15 years where I don't feel locked into a "semester" mindset.  This is interesting because I normally push myself hard for 13 weeks, and crash for 2, recover in 1, and restart the cycle.  On Internship I have had to learn a new pattern, and I have been surprisingly healthy for most of it.  It makes me wonder if that will make my final year more difficult.

Third:  Soon, I will have to be distancing myself from the congregation I am serving, the staff I am working with, and the people I have come to call 'friend'.  I am not looking forward to that, but I recognize that it is a necessary learning for someone who wishes to be clergy.  *I would add that although many of the pastors I know have long-term calls, it is a commonly held belief that most pastors move every 3-5 years.  A conversation about this with my Lay Committee led to a couple of insights: It is a belief of some that I will continue to be a transient person FOREVER -- that God will move me around every couple of years pursuing one mission/vision or another -- because this is the way my gifts work (also because this possibility is my greatest fear).  But it is not something that I want to worry about until the time is right.

Fourth:  If I have come this far, is it safe to say that because I feel comfort and strength in this area of work - I am called to rostered ministry somewhere in the world?  Can I say that Internship was successful in affirming my call, or do I have to wait until the official end place?

Fifth: I can't change the essential things that make me who I am.  Nor, should I want to.  The ability to identify 'faults' does not always necessitate changing those things.  Being able to identify them enables me to work with them, to see when certain behaviours are appropriate, and to temper my attitudes in the midst of conversations, confrontation, and support.

All in all, it's been a good Fall and Winter.  Spring is well in hand, and I am hopeful for the Summer.  There are a number of difficult situations on the horizon to deal with.  For the first time in my life - they don't prompt excessive amounts of worry or panic, rather I feel well-supported to take them on, one at a time, and there is a sense of calm that surrounds me.  I feel ready to keep moving forward.

The next 25% should prove to be just as interesting.