Getting ready for Ethiopia

Well, the time has come. I am off to Ethiopia on Thursday!

It should be an interesting trip. I, and 8 others, will be there for 3 weeks of eye-opening experience. We will do the "historic circuit" which will take us around the country to all of the historic and cultural sites. After that, we are going to take in some of the sustainable development that CLWR is involved with. And throughout we are going to be staying at the Lutheran Seminary in Addis Ababa. We also get the wonderful pleasure of celebrating both Christmas and Epiphany with the Ethiopian Orthodox Church!!!

I will, of course, be posting my journey and some pictures when I return at the end of January. If I get a chance, I will make a post or two while I am there - but I cannot promise that this will happen.

I am all packed and ready to go, more or less. I do not travel really well. I get anxious in the airports because of all the people, and I am not the type of person to be exceptionally comfortable on an airplane, but I can make do. I don't imagine that many people are comfortable on airplanes, but I often feel as though I am one of the most uncomfortable. Hopefully sleep will carry me away on the longer flights.

For those of you interested, we are leaving on the 31st from Saskatoon. First stop in Calgary, then Toronto, Frankfurt, Cairo, and finally - Addis. We are getting there at 3am on the 2nd of January. We return on the 21st - leaving Addis at 4am, then Cairo, Heathrow, Toronto, and finally Saskatoon. Arriving at 11:55pm on the 21st. Certainly makes for a long day!

I know we all appreciate any prayers for our safety, growth in understanding, and learning while we are there.

I wish you all a Happy New Year! See you in 2010!

End of Term 1

Here we are; classes are over; papers are written; I have two exams to work towards.

And I have a head cold.

Again (as the mucus in my head attempts to force itself out of my eye socket) - I must admit that I work too hard. At this point, I just want to be done (the semester. I recognize that could be misinterpreted to mean the entire school thing, which I do not think I am ready for).

Everything seems in order. I have a ridiculous number of things to purchase for my trip (so much for saving up a little money).

...

For the second time during the composition of this post I have had to stop to sneeze and blow my nose. I am going to Shoppers to get some sinus medications.

Have a blessed evening.

Another interesting observation.

I am a truly gifted and talented person! I rock! Thanks be to God.

Mid-week, I confess to having accomplished the following:

- Painted a new painting in the Chapel during a service. And have a sale pending!
- Led a worship service without a Presider
- Got a great affirmation of vocation from a professor in the form of Midterm comments.
- Handed in a paper early!!!
- Proved to myself that I can get homework done during the week-days
- Created a second service to be co-led at the end of the week
- Learned that a CPE unit in Halifax is indeed a great idea

I also must admit that I haven't accomplished the following:

- Caught up in all of my classes yet. In fact, am badly falling behind in one of them.
- Worked on my "journal" painting since I started it
- Managed to split myself in parts to handle all of the Chair positions I am on ( I think I may have bitten off more that I ought to have)
- Slept decently at least one night this week
- Sent the mail that I wrote two weeks ago (Augh!)
- Filled out paperwork for medical returns... need to do that.
~--------------------------------~~~~~~~-------------------------------------~

All in all, I am finding that I am getting into a swing of handling the end of the semester fairly well.

Life is good. Life is truly a blessing. Thank you God for supporting me in this place, at this time.

Peace.

A general question for Academia

What is it that makes professors conspire to have all of your classwork due in and around the same time?

I think if I ran a class, I would either have random assignments that didn't fall on or near midterm or end of class. Like maybe a 5 - 10 page paper in the second or third week and a take home exam handed out on the last day of class, due by the second-to-last exam day. That would certainly make my life easier.

I really enjoyed the first 6 weeks of classes - applying all of that knowledge to final papers... not so much.

I could use another "Reading Week".

An overdue update.

So I guess that the lesson here is this:

Seminary is hard work.

I apologize to all the wonderful people who have been reading and waiting for me to post another update.

I am at a point in the semester where there are four weeks left! Ack! And then I have a week or so off until I am off to Ethiopia! Ack again! So, now I discover that the last 4 weeks of a seminarian's semester is bogged down in writing papers. And there are so many - I look at my to-do list and panic a little more with every passing day. I know that it's really only a matter of doing one thing at a time, but believe me when I say that this semester's end is coming both too quickly and not quickly enough!

Some of you know that I have the additional difficulty of having been down with the flu and bronchitis this past week. It was not easy to "simply rest". Nor has it been easy to pace myself back up to my usual energy levels, but I think I am truly on the way to some "normalcy". This semester really seems to have been a strange lesson in how much work is too much work.

Here is another comment on life:

I find myself frequently returning to the question of: "Why am I here?"

It's not that I doubt my call or that I feel that my time is being wasted here. I find almost every day a gift in learning more about myself, my faith, and my future vocation. I am quite literally absorbing every moment here. However, I often feel like I am an impostor. Some days I don't think I could convince anyone that I am going to be a pastor. Strange really that I can feel so inadequate to the task. That I am living some kind of farce that will end in another statement that once again Zsófi is on the wrong path for life. And then the moment passes, and I am concerned about the next reading assignment, contemplating the very well chosen piece of music in the last chapel service, deliberately examining the Book of Concord in order to better understand why Luther said the things he did and how it can apply to a life as a contemporary Christian, thinking about what needs to get done for the next meeting that is just around the corner, wondering with awe about how I am going to be inspired by the Holy Spirit to create a sermon... and the list goes on.

I have started painting again. Nothing terribly elaborate, but definitely full of symbol. It's a journal of sorts for my Spiritual Formation class. I am trying to encapsulate my spirituality in one 12" x 24" painting. It will be interesting to see the final result. The work in progress has generated some interesting dialogue. I am going to be painting during a worship service next week too. Another seminarian, who is also an artist, and I have been asked to "create" during the service until the sermon. It will be an amazing practice. I have always enjoyed this process (when I have done it for Mysterium) and I am looking forward to attempting it again. It means a lot to me to be able to stretch my art-wings every now and then in a liturgically rich setting. And I haven't really been making any art lately, so I think it's a really good thing.

I will be back again with more to say, but for now: it's an early night for me.

Bliss!

An exercise in Spiritual Contemplation.

"As between the soul and the body there is a bond,

so are the body and its environment linked together."
- Kahlil Gibran

"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.
Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.
When you search for me, you will find me;
if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord..."
- Jeremiah 29: 11 - 14a

Today I ventured outdoors to Prairie View to visit a labyrinth. I journeyed there with my Spiritual Formation classmates and Professor. It was a nice experience. The labyrinth is tucked in a clearing of small-ish trees and tall shrubs. It's been designed after the Labyrinth at Chartres Cathedral in France, as seen below.
Walking a labyrinth is supposed to take you in a very meandering path to a center and then out again. This exercise was, for me, an attempt to place myself in a natural setting while reflecting meditatively on the activity in my life. I have always considered Labyrinth walking as a practical exercise of laying one's burden's down in a systematic way while moving toward a centering of a wholly unburdened person and a peace discovery in the middle of all the chaos.So, upon arriving at the mouth of the Labyrinth, I asked God to join me and set off. It is remarkable to me that I was immediately comforted in the knowledge that I was moving toward the center of something that would cradle me. However, as the path suddenly veered away from the center I started to worry, panic, get anxious - feel afraid. I was moving toward the fringes. I know that there is little protection on the fringe. And here I was making myself vulnerable in walking slowly, contemplating my life, and carefully picking out the "stuff" that I wanted to lay down on my path behind me. Of course, no one else can see it, but that's not the point. I can. And I wasn't comfortable making myself spiritually "naked". But I plodded on.

By now, other people have started into the Labyrinth and I am noticing something. Whenever I walk past a person, I think: "Oh how nice to see someone else on this pathway..." We're walking together, and sometimes I seem to be leading, sometimes following, it's neat how the Labyrinth's pattern makes us "cross paths" even though we are all on our own journey. When they are closer to the fringe than I, I think: "Wow, it's like they are protecting me..." and vise versa when I am closer to the edges - it may be scary there, but I feel at times as though I am protecting someone else closer in.

Plodding along, laying out my burdens, lightening my proverbial load, making my way to the center. And eventually, after all the twists and turns, I get there. And there is a bloom with one central rock. My rock. The rock on which we have all been placed. I take some time to thank God for all the good in my life; to earnestly pray about the "stuff" and the people that I am struggling with; and to reflect back on what I have laid out in this particular journey.

And then it's time to walk back. The curious thing to me is how you have to retrace your steps in order to get out of the Labyrinth. There isn't an immediate exit. This is not a Point A to Point B journey. It's a Point A to Point A trip. So, you have some time to collect your thoughts, reflect even more on what you did to get to the center, pack it all up, and move along.

True to form, I did just that. I noticed yet another thing: all those heavy burdens? Not so heavy anymore, not large and cumbersome, and certainly not taking up all that much space in my life anymore. And I have this new posture. I am taller, looking ahead or straight up or down - observing the natural setting around me, admiring the freshly falling snow, and reveling in the peace. But, I am not focused on the ground, or on me, so much anymore. I pick up those burdens, now really just bothers, and put them in a "pocket" - so much lighter.

And then, it's over. I exit the Labyrinth, and take a moment to thank God for walking with me. A truly wonderful experience.

Varying degrees of memorization.

All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that everyone who belongs to God may be proficient, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3: 16 – 17

I am discovering that there is a lot of memorization to first year Seminary. There are the obvious ones, and the not so obvious ones. I honestly have a hard time learning in the form of memorization. I get anxious when I am put on the spot. So I have been asking for help of late. It's been interesting to hear the different ways in which people learn.

These are the things that I am currently working on to memorize:
- The Books of the Bible. (I didn't get to learn this in Sunday School so it's been interesting)
- The Names of the Apostles
- The first 8 chapters in the Gospel of Mark (specifically the narratives and their order that occur in each chapter. There are 41 in total!!!)
- Some specific terms about Christ's humanity and divinity. (Not everyone needs to know what Hypostesis or Homoiousios are and why they are different, or what Communicatio Idiomatum is and how it applies to theology.)

Regardless of how daunting that list may look to most people, myself included, I have managed to get some semblance of training into my life. I can almost recite the books of the bible, NT down - still working on the OT (I get tripped up around Ezra Nehemiah...) But I have a great resource that's been helping me. Those of you that follow me on Facebook have already seen the video. I sing the song in the shower, and I am seriously thinking of asking Martin's Voice to learn it. I love it!

And you can find it here:
The Bible books

The Apostles was actually pretty easy and straightforward. I alphabetized the list and it became innate. Happily, done. Next!

Mark is freaking me out!!!!! There are 41 steps that are split into 8 chapters and aren't broken into any pattern that I have been able to discern! I am trying not to panic and I am trying to figure them out. Eventually it will come - just hope it does before the midterm!

The terms themselves are repeated in nearly every class that I am taking so I am not too terribly worried about knowing what they are. I guess this too shall pass.

All in all, in pretty deep at the moment. Now I have to get back at it.

Blessings.

The day passes too quickly.

Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I have come to call not the righteous but sinners. Mark 2:17b

Despite the fact that I am feeling as though I am ages behind in everything I attempt to do here, I feel fairly content in my classes. My classes have become the grounding wire I need in my life right now. They are, for the most part, interesting and often too short. There are classes that I am struggling to understand either what the content of the class is or what the professor wants out of us, but I know that I will muddle through this in time.

The thing that I find most interesting about my classes, is the people in them. I have had conversations with my peers and discovered that we all feel uncertain to a degree. I have fear.

Every Monday and Wednesday I walk to St Andrew's College via the University Hospital. The parking lot there is the shortcut to the college from LTS, but it is closed during the construction work - so through the hospital I go. At first I was reluctant to take this route because I felt as though I was imposing in a space where I am accustomed to being quiet, peaceful, and slightly nervous. In taking this "shortcut" I find myself walking through the main reception and coffee stops. So I get a bit of time to observe the goings-on of this particular hospital hub. And, wouldn't you know it, I don't see illness, sadness, or worry. There, in that small space, perhaps 2 minutes out of my day, I see laughter, fellowship, and caring. Doctors, nurses, patients, family, friends, students passing through and stopping at the Starbucks, security officers, and construction workers: mingling, chatting, resting. It cheers me up. My grudging steps lighten as I make my way to St.A's, and I smile.

The above verse has been in my head for a little while, perhaps passing through my cranial hub, and making observations. I am trying to realize that even if I am called to Seminary, I am by no means righteous, pious, or any other "goodly" synonym. I am a sinner - I "Sin boldly". And I am called. A sort of healing is taking place in me that I can't put into words as of yet. I know that Jesus is working within my heart to strengthen me for what is to come.

And for the moment...

the fear is stilled.

The end of what is officially Week 2

"And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness." Mark 1: 12

Ever felt that you might be crushed by the amount of papers that seem to pile up on the counter/table/desk? In the span of one week, I managed to make my desk space completely disappear. And it's not as though this was the first time. It happened at the end of last week too... Seemingly sad and depressing - the homework is for the week seems so overwhelming. I have devised a plan... and I will probably keep everyone appraised of it over the weekend. I am going to attempt to get all of my readings for the week done over the weekend. I have two assignments due in the next 10 days, and two quizzes to accomplish. I would rather have the time to focus on those than be bogged down with all of the reading to do.

If you were to have asked me on Tuesday how I was doing, the answer would have been a tentative "okay". If you had asked me on Thursday, the answer was "Great!" And today, I am feeling a little down. I rather suspect that I am missing the opportunities I had in Regina to get together with my friends. I have been in Saskatoon for a couple of weeks now and I think that "homesickness" has settled over me.

This week my Chapel Group was in charge of leading service. I had the opportunity to read lessons and greet at the door. (The first-years are being treated with kindness their first week leading Chapel.) There are other responsibilities that I am looking forward to as the weeks pass.

Today, we had a visit from Jackie Nunns, an Augsburg Fortress Representative (for those of you who don't recognize the name). She was here to introduce us to the online resources that we have access to for free as Seminarians of LTS. And I got a swanky new bag from AugFort as well! The online stuff was fantastic because a lot of it is for planning services and working with the structures of Liturgy. I am looking forward to playing with it in order to see what I am capable of creating. Of course, in the bag I was given was a catalogue... so many things to want and buy. And I get a discount.... more temptation to spend money I don't have.

Okay, so why the scripture at the top? Many of the professors have referred to my class as being "in the wilderness". We are studying Mark at the moment, so it is probably coming up even more because of this. One professor even went on to say, quite tongue-in-cheek, that our wilderness will last 3 years, 11 months, and 3 weeks longer than Jesus' experience because there were no textbooks or theological writings when Jesus did His! :)

I think I am just today coming to grips with what this "wilderness" means to me. My being here is going to get a lot tougher... there have already been a couple of moments of "I don't want to do this! Why do I have to do this?!" And I know that those sentiments are because I am tired, out of energy, and afraid. This too shall pass.

I want to share with you a prayer I have been shown in the ELWB. It has slowly become like a mantra for me at the start of my day. "A prayer of Martin Luther:

Behold, Lord, an empty vessel that needs to be filled. My Lord, fill it. I am weak in the faith; strengthen me. I am cold in love; warm me and make me fervent, that my love may go out to my neighbour. I do not have a strong and firm faith; at times I doubt and am unable to trust you altogether. O Lord, help me. Strengthen my faith and trust in you. In you I have sealed the treasure of all I have. I am poor; you are rich and came to be merciful to the poor. I am a sinner; you are upright. With me, there is an abundance of sin; in you is the fullness of righteousness. Therefore, I will remain with you, of whom I can receive, but to whom I may not give. Amen." pg.87

Blessings.

The end of a second week

So, I am currently stranded in Regina...

I am waiting until the morning to find out if it's the car battery, the alternator, or something more or less dire. In any case, I will be missing classes tomorrow. And I find that I am disappointed about it.

This past week has really been all about classes, but there have been a few interesting observations. Like the following:

- The biggest thing that I have noticed, and already said to other people is this: My life is best imaginable if you take everything that the regular Joe would do on a Sunday and stretch it from Sunday through Friday. I am living a new life that seems to revolve around church. Combined with the fact that I live on campus in the dormitory, it would seem that I could easily forget the "real" world and lose myself entirely to the wonder and awe of studying my faith.

- There is a lot of paperwork to my studies. It's very easy to say I will get to something at a later time or something else can wait to another day. And I very quickly start to fall behind. Practicing any kind of discipline takes concentrated effort on my part - at least until it becomes second nature. Then I will be fine.

- My Synod has a great bunch of people in it. I am always happy to meet new people, but I really feel lucky to meet so many people who care about the things that I do. I met all the folks with CTEL (Committee for Theological Education and Leadership) on Thursday - we had a nice group mingling session. It was nice to sit and chat with Bishop Cindy too.

It was a good week with lots of work - and hopefully, with a little luck, I will be on my way back to the school tomorrow.

Day One of Classes

Okay, so it is totally cool to start a class with: "The Lord be with you..." and then to open a class with a reading from the scriptures. Not expected and completely cool.

Classes are going well so far.

Money situations are not.

The reading for this semester is looking incredibly daunting so far. I thought I was already behind, but articles on Google are a great thing!!! Managed to find almost everything I needed to read for a class tomorrow. Go me!

Hopefully, things will be okay tomorrow.

The End of a Week.

It's strange to me that this week is finally at a close. It has seemed so long... in part because of all the Orienting I have done, but largely due to all the information I have had to absorb.

I have returned from the Retreat we had as STU students and Faculty. We had a lovely stay in a place called Shekinah. It was a good bonding experience, mainly because it was for the whole of us - not just first-years, but everyone. There are a lot of us, first-years that is, and it's nice to watch us develop as a group. We also got to spend time with the other students and faculty, and I appreciate that because I can speak my questions and reservations.

I think this week has affirmed this path in a lot of ways, but also brings up many questions and fears. There is a lot of this that is so unlike simply going away to University. There are more people/groups that I am accountable to, and more things that I have to do outside of class time and school in general.

One of those things currently weighing on my mind is CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education). It is a course I must complete before I can go on internship - and it is a course that is very intensive. It is a full-time commitment over the summer that is effectively full-time work which you are paying to do. I have come to the conclusion that because it is an experience I pay for, and likely have to move for, I will have to rely on the charity of someone else to house and feed me. Hopefully there are people out there willing to do that.

Time is another things that weighs on my mind as well. Time-management is going to either be very strict or a very important lesson. Too much of this year is dependent on my ability to manage my time effectively. My schedule is filling up quickly, and I will have to watch myself more carefully.

I have discovered that there is another course that I will be taking this semester, which brings the number to 6 courses. I also have a Chapel Group wherein we, as a group, assume the duties and roles of leading Chapel for a week. There is a rotation of groups, but it looks like quite a bit of work. Another thing that I need to work on is a biblical language. I have the option to wait until the summer to take the class, or I can work with a computer tutorial and "test out". I think I am going to attempt the tutorial, but have yet to decide if I want to test out or not.

This month is also burdened with the Accreditation Board visiting. These people are observing the school and determining if it is still able to be accredited - which means that my degree is valid in an academic standing. Pressure for the school, to be sure, but that in turn puts pressure on the Faculty and the students as well, to a perhaps minor degree.

I have learned quite a bit only in talking to other students, and I am both excited and daunted by the week to come. The possibilities for the role I am assuming in being here are great, but I am also stuck in a lot of fundamental ways. I really admire the more senior students in their eagerness to be "done", but am grateful in their support of the first-years as well.

As an aside to my commitments I would have to note that I am now also the Chair of the Events committee for the LTSSU. Events really boils down to two functions that need to be planned: Christmas Party and Graduation Party. I have promised the seniors on the committee that they will not have to plan their own Grad party. It should be interesting given that they are what makes up the rest of the committee itself. I will be hunting down help from other people as I firmly believe that a Chair's role is to delegate not do all the work themselves.

Also noteworthy: I will be having dinner with the Sask CTEL next week, and I am looking forward to meeting them all. I won't be meeting with them in an official capacity until March - but it will be nice to see all of them.

I can point to two things that I learned this week that I found interesting. According to my Anglican peers: Marriage is a Sacrament. Interesting to note. The second thing I learned is going to take more ruminations on my part. An Ordained Lutheran must be a Parish call for 3 years before they can move on to other settings or calls. I spoke with some students at a good length about what that means in terms of Chaplaincy and Synodical/National Offices. My conclusion at the end of the conversation still holds to the belief that it would make more sense to assess the candidates strengths before saying only Parish - and apparently there is precedent for exceptions - but I think it would be more supportive to support a person in their strengths of ministry, especially if they are clearly better suited to a different role other than Parish pastor. More on this later perhaps.

This week has been uplifting and an act of walking more faithfully. I hadn't really planned to be here, but... Here, I am. And that is a gift that I look forward to unwrapping.

Orientation at LTS.

Hullo.

It's been two days of Orientation and Information Overload. There have been a lot of discussions about what is being said to us - and I am grateful that so many people are willing to talk.

Classes don't actually start until Monday, so it's been a week of get to know each other and the campus. I am happy with the program - so far.

For those of you interested: I've been told that there are 9 new students at LTS this year. 8 of them are women. The gentleman has been most gracious in his minority, and he's a really fun guy!

My classes this semester are as follows:
- M 10:00 - 11:20 PL/SL 155a Globalization and Ethics
- TR 3:00 - 4:20 BL150 Biblical Introduction
- T 8:30 - 9:50 W 3:00 - 4:20 PL 115a Introduction to Liturgy and Practicum
- TR 1:30 - 2:50 PL 135 Spiritual Formation
- MW 1:30 - 2:50 HA/HL 111 Story of Christianity

On top of classes, our Wed. Mornings are devoted to various meetings, seminars, and events. There are also Chapel times and Evening prayer times.

So that's the course load.

Apparently, both the entering students (yours truly one of them) and the second year on-going students will be making our Globalization trip in January. We're going to Ethiopia! Time to check the due date on the ol' passport.

In addition to classes, I also have a few extra duties. I am now the Secretary of the LTSSU (LTS Student Union). Many thanks from the other first years for volunteering for the job. I am also, somewhat reluctantly, joining Dorm Council - we haven't voted yet, but I'm up for Vice-President. I will also be looking into spending some time as a Library Assistant in the off-time. Benefit of living on campus is I can possibly work the weirder hours.

Strangely, I am calm about all the work. I have on occasion wondered why I am indeed here, but I have beat that doubt back with a simple prayer of: "Fill me up, Lord, fill me up..."

So Day one was Home base Orientation. All in all a good day. A lot of things to learn about. And quite a few expressions of how much we need to take responsibility for. I imagine that I am going to develop quite the filing system for all the different groups of people who all need the same information in duplicate or triplicate... there is a trial of patience in organization there I know it.

Day Two was all STU-based. STU means the Union between the Anglican, Lutheran, and United Seminaries here. We met at St. Andrew's Chapel this morning - Ha ha let me tell you how I got there. Normally, the directions would be: "Cut across the field, and then through the hospital parking lot." Well, there's quite a bit of renovation work being done at the hospital - and that's no longer the best route. And to be frank, there's a lot of renovation work being done on the U of S campus total - so things are even more confusing.

Suffice it to say, I left early to get my bearings, and still managed to get a little lost. Arrived for 9am worship at 9:02 and pleasantly sat myself down in the first row. Where there was no bulletin and no hymnal. Ha ha. A very kind person in the pew next to me came and sat down with me and we worshiped quite happily together.

After that a get to know each other without really talking, and coffee break. Then we had the most impressive, frank, and brilliant Library Intro. It was by far the best quickie seminar I have ever had - and contrary to what the Librarian said, I think we will all remember it. Lunch was next and then a walking tour of the "important" buildings for the first-years.

We made our way over to the Administrative Building so we could all attempt to get our ID cards. And I forgot all my ID. Ha ha.

This evening we had a huge BBQ mixer kind of thing for all students faculty and family. It was nice.

Tomorrow: Retreat.

Introduction

Hello.

I seemed to think it would be a good idea to keep a blog about my upcoming life as a Seminarian. I know that there are quite a few people who are interested in what this new life entails, and I wanted to have a new avenue to express myself. So the idea is this:

I will write about my experiences, inserting witty commentary in amounts that manages to keep me sane. I will answer questions posed of me. And, perhaps, enlighten or amuse those around me who would like to keep tabs on me.

I have already been told (read: warned) about the amount of change and relative "torture" that I am about to go through - this blog merely gives you, the reader, a chance to follow along vicariously through my "pain".

God Bless.