Helfway there.

It's interesting to have a slow day at the hospital. Suddenly there isn't as much to do, and you're left wondering how you can fill your time appropriately. And then a funny thing happened.

I was left confronting myself.

It's hard to escape all the thoughts and feelings coming at me in a great rush. Firstly, why didn't this happen yesterday when I was having a quiet alone day? Secondly, it becomes quickly apparent that I have to deal with the fact that I am a lonely person when it gets quiet enough to actually hear what's going on inside of me.

Don't get me wrong, CPE has been a wonderful experience. I am learning so much every day. A part of me knew that coming away so far from everything that I know and am comfortable with might stir up a lot of insecurity and emotional baggage. It just hadn't happened until today because I've been contentedly learning and keeping relatively busy. A lull in all of that brings me rather abruptly to myself.

And I'm facing the fear that Internship may feel the same way. I hope not, and I have plans to get out and do things that are relaxing for me, but there is a quiet fear that I will continue to feel disconnected and lonely in a place away from the things I know.

It's possible that this is simply a 'down day,' but in the world of self-reflection and consideration, I am looking to confront the problems head on to see if I really have come to a point where I keep myself busy in order to avoid myself. How did I become this 'doer'?

Something to think about anyway.

CPE and life on the Atlantic

Well, the semester's done (and been so for a while now...) and I've been transplanted to the coast of Nova Scotia.

I'm here for an 11-week course as part of my training. It's called CPE: Clinical Pastoral Education. The simplest explanation is that I am learning what it means to be a hospital chaplain. For those of you who've been in hospital or been a hospital visitor probably have a good idea of what a hospital chaplain is. This course is about learning the skills to do the work of a hospital chaplain and to spend time with course-mates learning and talking about how the experience is teaching us new things about ourselves as much as simply learning skills to work in a hospital.

I am very much enjoying my experience, even if I seem to be the only Lutheran in the hospital. I am working at the IWK Children and Women's Health Hospital in Halifax: a very interesting place to be. There is so much to learn! I work exclusively on one floor in Pediatrics. I have 24 beds to visit that are usually completely occupied, but not consistently the same patients. There are both long term stayers and short term visits. The patients range in age from a day old to 18 years old. I visit with patients as much as I visit with patient's families who are often staying in the rooms with them. I really like the people I'm working with, and have had good opportunities to get to know the whole staff.

I'm 5 weeks done, which is incredible. The days are passing rather quickly. Soon I will be back in Saskatchewan, only to turn back around and move to Winnipeg for my internship placement. I am only now starting to think about internship (and even then it's usually just after I've gotten settled in bed before I fall asleep) because I had so many other things that I needed to do before I got out here.

I came out to Nova Scotia a week early in order to visit with some friends and attempt to relax a little after the most tiring semester I've had. I got to see some sights and have been to Zion Lutheran in Lunenburg - the oldest Lutheran congregation in Canada! It is very pretty here. I am becoming fast friends with the local Lutheran clergy (they are warming me to the idea of seeking a call in the Atlantic Conference when I have completed my schooling).

The last part of this week I've been attending 'Luther Hostel,' an Eastern Synod Workshop conference in Lunenburg County. I've been appreciative of the chance to gather and learn a little about the folks who make up the Eastern side of the ELCIC. I am a bit of a curiosity in my coming to Halifax for CPE - but people seem to completely understand my explanation of wanting to go somewhere I've never been before.

All in all, things are going well.