"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)
How is it that I feel like I spend too much time complaining? How is it that my friends all feel like they spend too much time complaining? Is it because we hear ourselves in our thoughts, in inner dialogue, in conversation with concerned people, and sometimes in the typed words of our many blogs/facebook posts/tweets. Is it truly that we are complaining too much? Is it, as a mentor said, that complaining isn't if you are simply presenting the facts? I think I "complain" because it is a way to ease the worrying of my soul.
This post was going to be about how I've been feeling lately, but I think it's becoming less about me laying down the many sentiments and statements about being up here all alone, and more about how there is a constant desire to sit and worry myself sick.
The above passage has been underlined, highlighted, and bookmarked in my Bible for years now. Such that, I can open that particular bible and it will fall open to those words. My mother directed me to it when I was a teen. I do not know what it was that was causing me to worry in such a state that Mum felt compelled to direct me to it. And I am sure that, as with much of my teen years, the issue wasn't nearly as life or death as I was surely convinced it was. Through much of my life I have struggled with this passage.
As I sat eating my breakfast in the cafeteria this past week, I observed a magpie digging seeds out from between the crevices of the rock wall of the school building. It was frantically jumping from foothold to foothold, poking its little beak into places it was certain it had stored some food in the fall. I had watched the magpies in the fall, storing the food, so I was just as certain that the food was there. They do stow! I had thought, and received proof.
I don't think that was necessarily Jesus' point, however. I have come to think that Jesus wants to remind us to rely on God. Our own desires aren't always going to be about our own sustenance, and worrying isn't going to help the situation. In fact, when I worry about something that I have no control over, I often come out feeling worse by the end of it. So what's a girl to do?
Share. Laying out the facts of how I am feeling isn't complaining, when the alternative is sitting alone and worrying myself to an early demise. And I wish more of my friends would come to that realization. Not just the sharing part, but the listening part as well. Listening to someone who needs to get anything "off of their chest" isn't listening to someone just complain - it's sharing the burdens of the mind and soul. It's a blood-letting of the "heart". And just being there for people is often enough for that person to move on. Some people need a little more - but I don't really want to get into the dynamics of psychology.
So, perhaps a commitment to the Lenten season. Listen to the people around you who are "complaining", pray for them, and share your own "complaints" with people you trust. Pray for yourself, attempt to move on by giving it up to God, but don't feel bad if those little worries creep back into your mind. Just deal with them head-on. And share as often as you need to.
Peace.
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