A monthly time to do specific things seems to be the way of my life of late. Every bill is due monthly; I got to the pool once this month (not much of an exercise regimen, I will admit); I sit down to write a letter to a friend monthly; I manage to get to this blog every month, and so the list goes.

If only homework were monthly!

Silly me, I planned to take on some class work earlier this semester in order to alleviate my end of semester crunch and consequent illness from working too hard. So I've signed up and, sad to say, I'm already sick. Have been for the last two weeks. It seems to be the same cold that is affecting everyone this month, and I've not heard encouraging news about it passing any time soon. Arhg! At least I have this new Neti Pot thing. Seems to work best when I can remember to actually do it.

So a month in (realistically, it's more like a couple of weeks), how are things going? I'm beginning to wonder what the heck I was thinking. For Heaven's sake, it didn't seem like a lot when I wrote it all down so neatly before. Apparently I was the only one who thought this however, as it seems that daily I am asked: "So how are all the new responsibilities going?" I admit to appreciating the concern people are showing, but I honestly don't feel like I'm taking on more this year than I did last year. I imagine that the difference this year is that I actually have titles behind everything that I am doing. (I would like to point out that I had titles for everything I did last year too -- but this is becoming an object lesson on how certain responsibilities are seen as less significant than others -- I, myself, am coming to terms with my own tendencies to not acknowledge and thank people for whatever they are able to contribute.)

Are you at all interested in a two-week summary of what the courses that I previously named actually entail? Sure you are.

Lutheran Confessions
Specifically looking at the Book of Concord and how all of the Lutheran confessions bring something to bear on this theological position called Lutheranism. So far we have read the Preface, the Creeds, and the Small Catechism. Next week: Large Catechism. One of my colleagues and I were talking today about how useful this class is, but more importantly, how much better it is understood having taken Theology I and II last year. I can actually conceptualize why things were written the way they were and why. And here I admit that those classes were useful. :)

Galatians
Being taught this year by a recent graduate accepting a two year term at LTS/ESC, Galatians is just that -- a study of the book of Galatians, admittedly not one of Paul's nicest letters. We are systematically going through the book, section by section. There are some of us who have taken Greek as a language (and I thank God for them every day because I certainly don't intend to take on that particular grammar nightmare) who are required to do some in-depth translation (and will be tested on this at some point in the semester). I get this pleasure next semester with Hebrew when I take on Isaiah!!!

Introduction to Pastoral Care
Probably one of my favorite classes so far. It's particularly affirming to learn that I am capable of being "pastoral". Pastoral care, for those of you who don't know the term, is when the pastor is listening to you, visiting with you, helping people (on their own or in a group) face the concerns of their lives. One of the professor's statements seems to be: "A congregation is extremely forgiving. You can mess up the liturgy, you can preach a tepid sermon, you can muddle your way through a baptism or a wedding. All will be forgiven. However, you may as well pack your bags and go if you can't give a funeral the respect it deserves -- especially if that person was special to that same congregation." She, of course, says it much better than that - and it emphasizes to me the attention to care that the vocation requires.

The Self
One of those classes that is apparently in place to make you question why you decided to do a master's degree. I kid. Honestly, this is as philosophical as you think it might be. We are discovering the theological implications to the philosophical insights of personhood and selfhood. Sounds fun, right? So far, it's been a lot to digest and process, but I think that it will be incredibly useful in the long run -- if I can manage to get all the papers done!

God's Secretaries: Women's Devotional Literature
A really long title for a really, really cool course. The brainchild to develop out of a suggestion, this course is "designed" to draw a correlation between the writings on spirituality of women from 1300 to now and the application of said spirituality through fabric creations - paintings, needlework of all sorts, etc. So far we have spent some time with Julian of Norwich. We are also embarking on a class project of making an altar frontal for the chapel. We have been encouraged to do some research and/or do our own project to get us reflecting on our own spiritual practices and how what we create is tied to what we think and say and write. I think that this course will be challenging if only because I have come up with a mother of a project for myself that I hope will reach completion before January, but may take longer. I guess we'll see.

That's all well and good, but I had wanted to lay out something I've been processing for a little while.

There are people from many different backgrounds and situations here. Some have spouses, some have spouses and children. And it is those that I want to talk about. I don't know how they do it. It takes an immense amount of juggling and time management to accomplish what they are doing. I admire them all greatly, and have immense respect for each of them.

I may be nitpicking or touching on my own insensitivity, however, when I note that two of the suggested self-care questions from an event today are,
__ I eat my evening meal with my family/spouse.
__ I go away once every six months with my spouse.
and my gut reaction is disappointment with myself. Better yet, when I ask about these particulars and voice my disappointment, a simple answer of "well, you are to choose which of all of these are the important ones to you and note which ones you think you should pay attention to". And that illicits anger and more disappointment because I'm now assuming that that sentence means that I won't pick those options as important to me because they aren't really options to me.

(Incidentally, I am currently eating my supper now in front of the laptop because sitting at the dinner-table by myself is one of the most depressing things to do in my life)
I am normally content with the life I am living. I have counseled other classmates with words about the real fact that this degree is so time-consuming to be at a point that one can't really develop a new intimate relationship fairly and well (and I believe them). I usually seek time alone at the end of the day when I've had roommates, and I like my own company.

HOWEVER, there is a very real tangible gut and being yearning to be in real relationship with someone. I envy my "family" classmates because they have someone at home with them. I come home to a dark hallway (if I've forgotten to turn on the light), the dull hum of electricity, and utter silence. And a deep desire to "get out".

My point, however whiny and sad it may be, is that it sucks to be an independently single person at Seminary. However difficult it is to juggle family, children, and classwork, I continue to admire and envy those people.

And I don't need to fix this problem, I just want to find a way to process it and understand it better.

Thanks for listening.