An interruption in the hectic pace.

Day by day, your mercies, Lord, attend me, bringing comfort to my anxious soul.
Day by day, the blessings, Lord, you send me draw me nearer to my heav'nly goal. love divine, beyond all mortal measure, brings to naught the burdens of my quest.
Savior, lead me to the home I treasure, where at last I'll find eternal rest.
Day by day, I know you will provide me strength to serve and wisdom to obey; I will seek your loving will to guide me o'er the paths I struggle day by day.
I will fear no evil of the morrow, I will trust in your enduring grace.
Savior, help me bear life's sorrow till in glory I behold your face.
Oh, what Joy to know that you are near me when my burdens grow to great to bear; oh what joy to know that you will hear me when I come, O Lord, to you in prayer.
Day by day, no matter what betide me, you will hold me ever in your hand.
Savior, with your presence here to guide me, I will reach at last the promised land.
Karolina W. Sandell-Berg

Well, that was easy.

Sitting in front of the computer, catching up on email, facebook postings, and daily comics. Not really wanting to work on the number of assignments that will shortly be coming due. What I need is a diversion.... and here it is.

It occurs to me that I don't particularly want to share another sermon with you today. There have been a number of things going on in my life that seem to be more important. This is supposed to be about me relating to you my life in seminary. And although, sermons and classes are all about seminary - they aren't necessarily about my life. So how is my life lately? Other than devoted to seminary?

Well, let's start with family:

My father was diagnosed with Diabetes last year (a fairly mild form, for diabetes, where he can self-monitor) and this year at his routine checkup in the fall, his glucose was somewhere around 27! They've given him medication to keep it down now (he refused the proposal of insulin) and he now watches his diet more closely. Which in fact means that my mother does. She told me that he's complaining about always being hungry because he had to give up his bread and finger desserts. Interesting man.

The reason I'm sharing this is because I find myself being more concerned recently with my parents. Perhaps it's because I've had a mental shift from recently celebrating my thirtieth birthday, perhaps I'm just weird enough that way. It could be something more. However, I think that I really miss them. I miss talking to my Mum and laughing with my Dad. I really miss spending time with them - as much as they drive me crazy. I miss their support because they aren't here with me. That's funny to me because they haven't been with me for the last 10 years. I've been here, they've been there or way-over-there, and life has trundled on.

My grandmother started her battle against cancer two years ago. It was colon cancer (which was surgically removed) and then it was liver cancer. After chemo treatments (to which she'd had practically no reaction to) and a lot of prayer from loved ones around the world - something happened. The liver cancer isn't liver cancer. It's colon cancer on her liver. And there's nothing that they can do about it. Very surprising and disappointing to a lot of people. There is nothing that they will do about it until she's in pain.

The reason I share this with you is because of a conversation I had with my Mum the other weekend. I was deliberating the necessity of "going home" for a visit. Admittedly, there's a part of me that's already mourning my grandmother. I don't like that. But, I realized that most of the people in my family have died from long, drawn out, illnesses or diseases. I am really just preparing myself. So the visit idea comes from the reality that I am the really busy person who happens to live far away. And my mother is encouraging me to continue that because even the people who see Grandma every day have no way of knowing when she's going to die. And she's pretty darn healthy right now. My response: I don't want this to be like it was with Granddad. (Wow! Where did that come from?!) My grandfather had Alzheimer's. And I saw him once a year through the last 4 years of his life. And each time was harder and harder because the man I knew and loved was no longer there. But the man who loved my grandmother was. The last thing my grandfather ever said to me was when Grandma and I had gone for a quick visit to trim his mustache and shave him. While Grandma was getting him ready and re-introducing me to him, I was sitting on his bed watching the loving way Grandma was getting him ready. And he looked at me with delight and awe in his eyes, a smile on his face, and said in a hushed whisper:
"Beautiful, you're just beautiful." And then that look was gone. A flash in time. A mere moment. And that's how I remember him.

I wasn't there when he died. I wasn't there when my brother-in-law died either (I was getting ready to come to Seminary, and was told that I shouldn't go). I don't take issue with death. I know that it's a natural process and end to life on earth. I guess there's guilt that I've never been there when family has died. And maybe that's why I want to be there when Grandma reaches the end of hers. Who knows when it will be. But I have been thinking about it a lot. And this takes me back to my parents.

My family's a little odd - we're an exemplary version of a truly blended family. And I love it! This in truth has shown that we have had at least one member of our family in every decade as we age. We are currently in a time now where we don't have someone born between 2000-2010. Which is a little pity -- I did like that trait. However, my grandmother is at the head of the decades. While I am sure that there are other relatives there with her, they are not known to me such that I would include them in my immediate family. Here's the thing: my father's next. What a strange realization. I've have reached an age where my parents are becoming the last generation. How utterly weird. I think, maybe, that's why I am longing to spend more time with them. I'm not sure. But I have been thinking about it a lot.